MOVIE REVIEW: Bad Boys For Life (2020)

Before watching the titular movie of this review, I was not a fan of the Bad Boys movie franchise for the following reasons:

1. it was directed by Michael “Can’t Have Non-Whites In My Movies Without Stereotypes” Bay
2. all that money was going into a movie production and all the work that would generate income never reached me
3. it showed a side of my hometown that showed more about our criminal side than our positive sides

In Michael Bay’s Miami, everyone is sweaty, lives in mansions, and the colors are TOO bright — like the color contrast was jacked up on the TV, but on the silver screen. It didn’t help that the actresses in the films (Tea Leoni and Gabrielle Union) do NOTHING for me; to each his own. The only exception to this trend of unlikeable movies was Bad Boys For Life…and only because I was on a horrible date.

The horrible date started on Facebook Dating (your first clue) where I met a woman that claimed to be an elementary school child psychologist. She made a lot of mistakes in our initial conversations, and so did I because I showed interest in her and ended up trying to set up a dinner-date for the future. The other party kept pushing the event date back, and I was only so generous and understanding; I put my foot down and we ended up at the dinner-date (which was horrible for several reasons) and watching Bad Boys For Life. I did not want to see it; my date was interested in seeing it. I sat before a movie I had no intention of liking…AND ENJOYED IT IMMENSELY. The rest of the date? Not so much.

LONG STORY SHORT: Never assume the person you’re speaking with is single on any dating app.

The story picks up some time after Bad Boys 2, where Marcus (Martin Lawrence, Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins, Black Knight, “Martin” [TV]) has retired from the Miami PD to be a family man. Mike (Will Smith, Hancock, Independence Day, “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” [TV]) has continued to serve in the field and is still doing the crazy stuff from his younger days. He’s behaving like a man that cannot die, and it’s worrying his friends and co-workers — especially given all the violence he’s seen in roughly 20 years. When he almost dies from a targeted drive-by on South Beach, he’s set on learning who tried to kill him. His investigation reveals a ghost from his past rears its head, threatening to tear his life apart.
What do you do when a ghost is hunting you? The answer is simple: hunt the ghost back with the help of a friend.

Here lies one of the many conflicts of Bad Boys For Life: While Mike wants blood and asks Marcus to come out of retirement to help, Marcus confesses he wants no part of it. He’s a grandfather-to-be and wants to grow old with his wife. He can’t go running around getting shot in the leg, and neither should Mike. The former advises Mike not to tempt fate, but forgot an important fact — his friend is hard-headed. Thus begins the long bloody trail from Miami to Mexico, where Mike made a very big mistake…roughly 20 years ago.

Traffic in Downtown Miami can be horrible at any time of day or night.

This movie was not as entertaining as it should have been in the first half, but by God it had its claws in me by the second half. It was an emotional rollercoaster, and went from being a shitty cop flick to the greatest telenovela I’ve ever seen. At the moment of the twist’s reveal I watched rapt with curiosity and excitement, wondering what new step the story would take. If you like being able to predict where your movies go as you watch them to feel good about yourself, please don’t watch this movie: you’ll only be right ONCE.

CHOICE CUTS:

• The young man dating Marcus’ daughter in the first Bad Boys movie returns and marries her! He’s a Marine now…but still mush-mouthed and speaks strangely. Our two heroes don’t even complain about it anymore, they just accept it.
• Setup for the next movie!
• THE TWIST WAS AMAZING. SO MUCH WAS EXPLAINED.
• The last thing you expect happens and it can tear you down if you’re not ready. It’s so screwed up.
• The special squad is made of new people and the burly blond guy as their tech guru is a brilliant piece of casting against type. Unfortunately it’s wasted when our heroes try to get him to give into his anger…which helps in a pinch.
• I used to work in Downtown Miami; they don’t have all that neon down there during the day or night, not even for special events. The streets look like the set of Batman Forever.
• Vanessa Hudgens! A complete surprise, but a welcome one nonetheless.

Because the twist explained so much about the franchise AND the date was horrible, I’m giving Bad Boys For Life a high recommendation.