MOVIE REVIEW: Star Wars episode II: Attack of the Clones (2002)
When the second Star Wars prequel movie, Attack of the Clones, was announced I was hyped. The reason was because I had heard about the titles a full 5 years before — while I was still in high school and before the first prequel film The Phantom Menace. It came from the notorious rumor mill Aint-it-Cool.com, where the site published the titles of the prequel films in advance. The moment I read “Attack of the Clones” I saw a scene in my mind’s eye: three Jedi with lightsabers up surrounded by clones of themselves.
From that point, I was hyped.
Then life happened: the 2000 US presidential election, graduating college, the 9/11 attacks, the War on Terror, and so-on. I wasn’t as hyped for the the film as I was before because I had more on my plate. I had seen the trailer at this point and the scene from my dreams manifested…but not in the way I had hoped. But movies are more than scenes in trailers, so let’s dive in to the second best prequel film in the “Skywalker Saga”.
(SPOILERS BELOW FOR A 20-YEAR-OLD FILM IN THE MOST RECOGNIZED FILM FRANCHISE IN THE WORLD; you have been warned.)
After surviving an assassination attempt by blowing up one of the stylish ships in the Star Wars prequel trilogy (the H-type Nubian yacht), Senator Padme Amidala (Natalie Portman, Black Swan [2010], Your Highness [2011]) realizes that the world has become more dangerous as an opponent of the Separatist movement. Body doubles like Corde (Veronica Segura, Club Dread [2004], Recién Cazado [2009]) and bodyguards like Captain Tycho (Jay Laga’ia, Hercules: the Legendary Journeys [TV-MCA/Universal], Xena: Warrior Princess [TV, MCA/Universal]) are not enough: she needs the type of protection only the Jedi can provide. With a quick call to the Jedi Temple, she reactivates Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor, A Life Less Ordinary [1997], “Obi-Wan Kenobi” [TV-Disney+]) to be her protector…and he’s bringing along his padawan learner, an older Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen, “Ahsoka” [TV-Disney+], Jumper [2008]).
More child than adult, the still-training Anakin holds his emotions dear as his power over the Force grows — two things that don’t go together per Jedi training. Once he is exposed to his greatest love Padme, Anakin is willing to go the distance for her. He still has much to learn about his place in the world while developing his confidence: while Obi-Wan teaches him a lot about order and being a Jedi, Senator Sheev Palpatine (Ian McDiarmid, The Awakening [1980], Sleepy Hollow [1999]) teaches him more about himself and his power through the Force.
Though Senator Palpatine’s care is self-serving — it’s all a plot to destroy the Galactic Republic using an army of cloned human soldiers and restore to power the Dark Side-using Sith, of which he their leader Darth Sidious — he gives Anakin the emotional support he needs. Unfortunately, this makes him vulnerable to the machinations of Palpatine to give the franchise its greatest villain. But the legion of Jedi are there to protect the Republic: heroes like Mace Windu (Samuel L. Jackson, Snakes on a Plane [2006], The Negotiator [1998], Juice [1992], School Daze [1988]) and Yoda (voiced by Frank Oz, Knives Out [2019], Muppet Treasure Island [1996]) lead the charge with legions of clone soldiers against the Separatist droid armies. The person whom the clones are based on — bounty hunter Jango Fett (Temeura Morrison, “The Book of Boba Fett” [TV-Disney+], Moana [2016], Six Days Seven Nights [1998]) — is a Separatist, under the direction of Count Dooku (Christopher Lee, Scars of Dracula [1970], She [1965]). Dooku is a former Jedi who understands how his former allies operate, but with a confederacy of planets behind him it’s still unclear whether he and his allies can survive…the Attack of the Clones.
Anyone who has heard about the Star Wars films in passing knows how this ends: Anakin succumbs to his emotions and falls to the Dark Side, becomes Darth Vader but redeems himself by the end of the Original Trilogy. But it’s the fans’ (both behind the camera and watching the screen) focus on the infinitesimal details in the spaces between and within each film that even causes the films to exist. Truly, the inspiration of the Flash Gordon serials where it skips time and ignores its own story to get to the plot that matters only causes more films to be made. The downside is when the information that does exist (ex.: Expanded Universe) is ignored for something else the creatives want in its place. Movies like the preceding The Phantom Menace and subsequent 2016’s Rogue One and 2018’s SOLO: A Star Wars Story, or even the TV shows like “Obi-Wan Kenobi” and “The Book of Boba Fett” did not need to be made. Hell, THIS movie didn’t need to exist. Only Revenge of the Sith to show Anakin joining the Dark Side and the fallout from that decision is necessary. Then again, we needed to endure Anakin to the audience for episode III and to compensate for the actor’s wooden dialogue and acting.
The films were also a showcase for hit-or-miss CG (looking at you Dexter Jettster), amazing sound design (can’t stress this enough), and the production design of Doug Chiang who does not get nearly enough recognition for his contribution to the visual style of the Star Wars franchise. Despite my earlier statement about this infinitely meme-able movie not needing to exist, our Star Wars experience and fandom might have been a lot less cooler without it.
CHOICE CUTS:
- The amazing sound design can be summed up in two words: SEISMIC CHARGES.
- Here for the Slave I laser cannons; I had nightmares about that noise.
- PRICELESS QUOTE: “Robots making robots? How perverse!” — C-3PO, in a rare moment of not screaming like a bitch.
- We see the underbelly of Coruscant, a hive of scum and villainy made colorful in the bright jewel of the galaxy. We will not see it again until the 2013 cancelled video game Star Wars 1313.
- PRICELESS QUOTE: Basically anything Count Dooku says.
- The sinking feeling in my stomach when they show Padme and Anakin secretly married in Naboo. It’s the lead-up to Revenge of the Sith and our nuclear-family guide to the existence of Luke and Leia.
- PRICELESS QUOTE: Anakin’s “I don’t like sand” lines. I used to be the game master for a group of millennials and we used to quote these at our gaming table whenever the word sand was used.
- The music when Padme turned from Anakin’s kiss petered out on a flute note. It was both perfect and hilarious.
- Thanks to George Lucas’ decision to profit from merchandising toys, as I wrote each name I felt like I was lining up action figures in opposition.
- CAMEO: The Geonosians created the plans for the Death Star, represented in holographic imagery in a handoff to Count Dooku. The reaction in my theater was very pointed.
- To know C-3PO was an eager starship pilot before his memory wipe was kinda sad, in light of his hatred of flying in later franchise films.
- All this Boba Fett backstory really doesn’t need to exist. Boba can be a normal guy and just hate Jedi for its own sake.
- A younger Yoda gets to fight for the first time in the series…and it did not come off as dope as intended.
- The jet boosters on R2-D2 coming out of left field was hilarious.
- Obi-Wan Kenobi is a psycho for jumping after that flying assassin droid. If he had missed, the story would be markedly different to say the least.
- Anakin deserved to have his arm cut off; fuck that dumbass kid.
