MOVIE REVIEW: The Warrior’s Gate (2016)
I first heard about the 2016 movie The Warrior’s Gate as a joke written by the good people over at Nextshark.com. It cost $48 million to make, and only made back $3.5 million so far (the $3 million in revenue came from China). The reason why we may not have heard about this in the US is because it was never released here. There are several reasons why it was not released stateside, and a lot of it is tied to the backlash against movies that shares a similar theme of the White Savior: Matt Damon in The Great Wall, Tom Cruise in The Last Samurai, Richard Chamberlain in James Clavell’s Shōgun, Dolph Lundgren in Showdown in Little Tokyo, and Michael Angarano in The Forbidden Kingdom. The Warrior’s Gate main linchpin has to do with the focus character — one White boy named Jack Bronson ( TV actor Uriah Shelton) and his 133t gamer skillz — and his involvement with rescuing the princess in a fantasy version of China.
Jack’s Internet combat avatar “the Black Knight” was spied upon by a wizard. Based solely on a display of 133t gamer skillz, the wizard sent Princess Su Lin (Gucci ambassador Ni Ni, and that’s her name) to be protected by the Black Knight and the guy who should have been the hero, badass Imperial swordsman Zhoo (Mark Chao). This is achieved by way of a magic box Jack received from his boss, the owner of an Asian curio and antique shop. Once Su Lin is left in Jack’s protection the remainder of the 1st act is a fish-out-of-water story. Bad guys come through the mystical box and kidnap Her Highness, but Jack jumps in the box after them and accidentally destroys it upon landing in Psuedo-China.
Act 2 gives us more info about Wizard (veteran actor Francis Ng, The Bride with White Hair, Gen-X Cops) and Zhoo, where Wizard is a slob with phenomenal (read: script specific) magic powers and Zhoo was once a lifelong member of the seven Imperial Companions, now tasked with protecting Su Lin from Arun the Terrible (Dave Batista, Guardians of the Galaxy, Man With the Iron Fists). Arun’s barbarian horde threatens the safety of Psuedo-China, and he wants to marry Su Lin to become Emperor. It’s up to Jack and Zhoo to save her, with help from Wizard. Along the way Jack learns how to survive, a little kung-fu and that being a warrior was INSIDE HIM ALL ALONG. Zhoo learns to swim, dance, and have fun — because that’s what Jack had to bring to the table.
As mentioned before, this movie smacks of White Savior syndrome: While Zhoo is the man better suited to be the hero, instead the Caucasian boy Jack is the hero of this picture. He is short on confidence, bird-chested, and lacks a presence even in his own hoodie. Despite this, Jack is put forward as a hero for the whole picture. Not to put too fine a point on it, but I’ve seen better combat choreography in Bowfinger. The bad guys pull their swings long before coming close to connecting, and wait for Jack to finish rolling around to NOT hit him with their swords. All so he can SAVE THE PRINCESS — bound, wearing flowing red robes with hints of skin — a reward for being the hero not even he expected to be. He knew he sucked, his mamma (a criminally wasted Sienna Guillory, The Time Machine [2002], Resident Evil: Apocalypse) knew he sucked, but for some reason The Kid came thru as as The Guy.
I don’t know if I’ve said this in another review, but this shit needs to stop. Let the person for the job do the job right…like they did in Big Trouble in Little China. If you think that Jack Burton was the hero in that picture, you are wrong; watch it again.
And to think I watched this instead of the Wonder Woman movie.
CHOICE CUTS:
- DAMN DAT CGI WAS BAD AND THE ANIMATORS SHOULD FEEL BAD
- There was a dance remix of Brownstone’s “Don’t Walk Away” in the end credits featuring the stoic Zhoo and the Empress’ Guard pop-locking in their armor. That’s a bright spot.
- Wait, Zhoo as a name doesn’t make any sense. It’s in the IMDb page as “Zhoo” but it should be Tsu, Zhu, Tzu, Zu, or Zhou. They probably meant Zhou.
- I want a barbarian horde. Perhaps one with better fighting skills.
- The fight against the mountain witch (Kara Wai) was interesting and funny.
- Dave Batista’s Arun is a comic master.
- Hearing an Empress-to-be say “you’re the shit” as an accolade was bonkers.
- The timed leg-traps on the horse saddles don’t prove the loyalty of your horses, but they DO show how an anti-theft device can be employed on a dray animal.
- Somebody shoot Jack’s friend. That guy is a boorish lump; you don’t speak about people that way within earshot.
- Jack Bronson: possible shout-out to Big Trouble in Little China’s Jack Burton?
- Oldest Trick In The Book: random pretty girl in the deserted woods asking for your help is not what she seems, especially if you are a lame-o. NEVER FALL FOR THIS.
- I suppose we can chalk this movie up to yet another of Luc Besson’s personal fan-fictions; he’s writer and producer on this project.
— previously published 6/3/2017 on Facebook Notes —
