OBITUARY: Queen Elizabeth II of the United Kingdom and the other Commonwealth Realms
TL;DR: GOD SAVE THE KING
My first experience with Queen Elizabeth II was with her Hollywood impersonators and depictions. Such impersonators are still a big deal, when you wanted a British queen, Pope, or president of any country on your program. Her impersonators were always dripping in jewels, and wearing a ballgown. If a serious and flattering impression, the impersonator would be a woman going for an Oscar nomination. If not— especially in comedy — the impersonator would often be a man (looking at Fred Armisen’s raking SNL work). Occasionally there’d be a Prince Charles impersonator or a Queen Victoria (if it’s a period piece), but rarely an impersonator for the Queen Mum (Queen Elizabeth II's mother), or Prince Philip (the Prince Consort). Before her untimely death, there were Princess Diana impersonators but those are still in poor taste some 25 years on. There were even animated depictions of the British royal family in several KidsWB productions (Tiny Toon Adventures, Animaniacs, etc.) and on Cartoon Network. This was my only education about the Queen of England for many years, leaving me with a positive impression as a child. Of course, the older you get there’s always chances to learn more about your world if you take the chance.
During her seven-decade reign, she served in WWII as an Auxiliary Territory Service mechanic and lorry driver, and remained the Queen over her commonwealth while finding time to be a mum. Despite her efforts to stay above it all and her royal influence, she was human and suffered the same issues as most people do: bad marriages, baby-daddy issues, workaholism, and unsubstantiated rumors to crack her demeanor. Indeed, she wore the heavy crown or responsibility and leaden mask of secrecy well. To compensate for the strain she was not as active as others would have hoped or demanded of their monarch. In contrast, she was celebrated in all her colonized lands with wealth and power just for being queen. Whether the celebrations in her name were made possible by force of arms, fear of economic sanction, or fear of shame and social stigma (as opposed to actual jubilation) is left up to the late queen’s colonized subjects and their rightly angry descendants to decide.
In any case, easy living on the teat of her subjects AND access to better-than-average healthcare allowed Her Majesty great longevity. Her Majesty still passed away in her summer home of Balmoral Castle, during one of the most brutal summers in recent memory. By the Queen's passing her issue Prince Charles is the new King of England — the first king since his mother’s ascension to the throne in 1953 — and Camilla Parker Bowles becomes the Queen-Consort (aka the King’s wife). It is not my place to suggest what he should do with his newfound responsibilities and influence, but I do believe there’s a laundry list of tasks waiting for King Charles III (Prince Charles’ new title) to do before or after his official coronation:
- Bring Meghan Markle, young Archie, and Harry back into the fold. Does it really matter that Harry married a Black woman that fine as hell? It shouldn’t because Harry gave the King an adorable grandson in Archie. And he LOVES that boy.
- Do something about Andrew. Queen Elizabeth almost did something lasting and drastic…and she gave birth to this guy. Prince Andrew embarrassed the crown something fierce with his dalliances in human trafficking of children. NOTE: If you believe a child presented as a woman is of consenting age, then there is no war in Ba Sing Se. This must be handled properly, as slavery (White, chattel, sexual, or otherwise) IS illegal in England.
- Have a VERY IMPORTANT talk with the media and paparazzi. These so-called journalists called King Charles III’s grandson Archie a nigger on paper and then published it for the readership. I don’t care if his dad’s not royalty anymore OR if His Majesty’s a racist; if he loves that boy, STRAIGHTEN THEM OUT!
- Address White nationalism in England. Even though England did a lot to fight the Nazi menace in WWII, the Nazi scientists were preserved for their weapons knowledge in to the Cold War to come. When they weren't working in busy labs and schools, they were at play among the British people. It happened everywhere these scientists were claimed and traded, and England is no exception.
These Neo-Nazis — some on the boulevard and others in boardrooms — taught your children that it’s the fault of the refugees England produced (in more ways than one) fleeing to a better life are the bad guys, not the thugs in alleys waiting to beat a foreigner or rape a woman in retaliation for choosing something less monstrous and exclusionary. Worst of all is the idea that half of England wants to be entertained by this sort of behavior, because they believe it’s the way it has always been and should always remain that way.
Queen Elizabeth II is a product of her era and loved tradition to a fault, so she did nothing; King Charles III is far more progressive than she ever was. I urge him to look at his subjects — all of them — and say he only prefers the ones in England, not the greater and browner Commonwealth. Even if he does, there’s still the matter of tackling how half your population feels justified reveling in terrorizing the other half based on skin color or nation of origin. His Majesty should NOT entertain this at all. - Address cultural theft. The world has high-quality 3-D scanners and printers that can replicate any material in great detail; there’s no reason why England (or any other country for that matter) can’t give back what was stolen years ago. Under King Charles III’s reign, that could be THE lasting legacy — to redress grievances by the long-suffering colonized peoples of the Commonwealth. Return the treasures of every nation when requested, and without reservation.
- Keep working on your sustainable housing project. When I saw the report on King Charles III’s project, I was truly surprised! The last time I saw a royal visibly do anything was Princess Diana’s crusade to remove all landmines, and his son Harry’s service in the Army Air Corps. I am still supportive, and I hope His Majesty can turn these houses into homes for all Britons who need them.
Perhaps with these changes under His Majesty’s rulership, England truly will prevail and prosper in ways undreamt for the future of the Commonwealth.
THE QUEEN IS DEAD
GOD REST HER SOUL
LONG LIVE THE KING
goodnight.
